What I Know About Relationships

The following are lessons learned about relationships:

  • Be careful to always make her feel wanted and important, even when you must be focusing elsewhere.
    • I was on-call and got called right when I was supposed to leave to pick her up. When we talked, I was already focusing on the problem at work and made her feel like she was bothering me. I wasn't rude or short or anything, just preoccupied.
  • Don't work on difficult tasks when one or both of you is tired:
    • We were working on our task list and were running into problems. We had been working a couple hours, it was getting late, and we started working on a difficult, sensitive task. We were already a bit frayed and we just got to a place we didn't like, so we stopped, prayed, apologized, and went to bed.
  • Validate her and her feelings, even if you don't share those feelings:
    • She was getting upset about a plumbing issue, and it was serious, but I was trying to comfort her. I was feeling alone because she was so upset it's like I wasn't there except to lash out at. When we talked later, it turns out she was feeling alone because I wasn't getting upset with her. Before trying to fix the problem, I should have just been there for her, even though I didn't like it there.
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